So, it's been a while. I can't say I've been particularly fond of the writing thing the past year. Too much happening too quickly. Summer came and went with nothing eventful to report, my family moved back to California, and I'm still here at Purdue fighting my way through classes (well one class) that I will never use again. The worst thing though is not having anything to do. I hate being idle. It seems to amplify the fact that I'm out here alone. There are few friends close by and even fewer close friends. It's kind of disheartening seeing all my friends moving on. My best friend is a teacher now, the ones I do have out here graduating and moving elsewhere, and countless others getting married and having kids. It sucks being left behind. I don't know, I guess I'm here for some reason. Maybe I'll figure it out soon.

On a happier note, I get to see my family at Christmas (though it's a ways away). That was kind of just a random thought. Anyway... later.

Reflection and the Third Part in a Series of Balances

So, I thought I'd get on and drain my brain of all thought. I'm tired of thinking all the time. I want to do something that doesn't require me to think. Sadly that doesn't exist.

My stance in this life of mine is shaky at best right now. If only I could rest for a while. I am weary from my journey. I am weary of my journey. Though there are many good things going on (ballroom dancing and keeping in touch with my younger siblings) there is still this looming shadow that I can't escape. It extends from my past and covers my present. I can't see what the future holds.

Everything is so uncertain right now. Maybe my focus is in the wrong place. Everything makes sense that way. That must be it. My focus was too broad or is too broad.

I've been so intent on building a base around me I have forgotten to build directly beneath me. And everyone knows what that leaves... oh, come on, you know... it leaves a big hole in the floor. One of which I seem to stay in... often. That, my friends, needs to change.

But isn't that the trick, trying to balance how much time you spend building yourself and how much you spend building around others. Both are necessary. Without a firm foundation to stand on one falters. Without friends to lean on from time to time one is prone to fall. If you spend too much time on yourself you become selfish, self-serving, conceited and if you spend all your time on others you neglect yourself. You rob yourself of the very basics of survival. You eventually forget how to stand on your own and with that lose your foundation, thus lost. And "How," you ask, "do you balance this?" Well, I don't know yet. I just figured out this balance existed. I didn't see it before. Apparently my near-sightedness isn't just physical.

Until next time.

Good Times

Yeah. So, I think I just had the best week of my entire life thus far. In spite of not having a job yet and still looking for a different place to live, my week was great. The first and most obvious thing is that I'm in college. This is an awesome fact seeing as no one in my family has gone before.

Secondly, ALL of my professors and TAs are freaking awesome. The TAs came to the class prepared and knew what they were talking about. And they all speak English well enough to be able to answer any questions.
My chemistry professor seems to be a bit on the loony side. She likes to stop in the middle of lecture to tell a few jokes. Some of them are funny, the rest are just horrible. It keeps the atmosphere light though so it's a good thing.
My math prof is the same one I had last semester so that's cool. He is a good one and I know what to expect in his teaching. This will make things much easier for me throughout the semester.
Physics is... umm... well, I don't really know what to think of the class yet. Our professor is in Antarctica right now so we have the head physics guy doing the lectures. It's pretty cool. No pun intended. Seriously.
I would say third thing but it's really along the lines of everything else here. I have been here for a year now. This is my third semester. Thursday was the first time I met someone with the same major through the same school. Out of 38000+ students you would think that would have happened sooner. It's great.
My Spanish 202 instructor is pretty cool. She's from Serbia and if she weren't my teacher I would definitely have asked her out. That was my first class on Monday. What a way to start the week. And that leads me to "great thing number three".

Third thing going well. The class I signed up for and was dreading, Spanish 212, turns out to be the easiest class I will ever take. It's a conversation class that meets once a week for 50 minutes of talking in Spanish. That's it. No homework but one discussion we have to lead, no exams, grade based on participation and attendance. No actual grades. Life is good. No, wait, God is good.

Fourth and lastly, I have been meeting a lot of new people, interesting people, people I care to talk to. Some in engineering, physics, and biochemistry. But the most interesting and eventful meeting came about on Monday night at the bus depot. So, I had my bike with me but I couldn't ride it home because I had groceries so I had to take the buses. I got there in time to catch the second to last bus that goes toward my apartment and what did I find but that the bike rack they have was already full. I had to wait for the next one... and thankfully so.
I met a beautiful woman Monday night. She sat down near me and started the conversation. She too had missed and was waiting for the same bus. So we talked for about 30-40 minutes as we waited for the bus and rode home. (She lives a little farther than myself.) She's from Texas and is getting ready to go into the Vet school here at Purdue. So I asked her out and she actually said yes. That kind of messed me up for a while. In the past things have not gone that way and I didn't expect it to. Definitely caught me off guard. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck on our date Friday night. But we had fun and I have her number now. Maybe I'll detail that some other day. I must be off.

I hope every one's life will be as wonderful as mine is now or better. I don't mean to gloat, I am just enjoying this change of events. If only you knew what I have been through (well, one person who reads this does).

Wishing wellness to all.

Something for Everyone

This may be the only time you see me do this but I think it is warranted.


Michael W. Smith - How To Say Goodbye Lyrics

Tell me when the time we had slipped away
Tomorrow turned to yesterday
And I don't know how

Tell me what can stop this river of tears
It's been building up for years
For this moment now

Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held you close
Kept you safe
Till you could fly

Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye

Tell me why
Why does following your dreams
Take you far away from me
And I knew that it would

Tell me how to fill the space you left behind
And how to laugh instead of cry
And how to say goodbye

Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held you close
Kept you safe
Till you could fly

Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye